I am fairly new to this motherhood club. Some days it still feels strange that I have a one year old running around. And she IS running now. Everything changed so quickly and it feels like time is going faster than it ever has in my life. That might be because my daughter’s changes seem to come fast and furious.

I was fortunate to get an entire perfect day with my wife and daughter yesterday at our lake house. It has been a while since we could carve out a day to go, but we forced our way up I-75 before the labor day holiday traffic and visited our safe haven. Every time I look out at ‘our lake’ and listen to the wind through the trees I can feel the weight of daily life slip away. I can breathe easy again. It’s amazing what a special spot on the earth can do for your psyche when you only associate it with happiness and peace.

We spend a good portion of our day at the beach and it was Deb’s first time in the water other than a baby pool. After the initial anxiety of doing something new, you could actually see her relax in the waves and her gaze became unfocused and distant. After our fun, we took a nap together and I woke before our daughter and watched her sleep. She looked so perfect, so unfiltered by the stresses that plague many of us. I stared at her in disbelief that my body could help create this little masterpiece. Her personality already shines bright and I cannot wait to see all the adventures we’ll share together as she grows.

Deborah Lorelei

Time is flowing. It only feels like it goes faster because we wish it would stop so we can appreciate this time with our daughter as a child. I try to feel gratitude every moment I share with her, even the meltdowns and crabby bits. Time is our most precious resource and the way we mothers spend it with our children will be what we create for their futures. It is a lot of responsibility, but it reminds me that I had that for myself all along. My outlook on life and reality will one day shape hers, and if that doesn’t shake me out of negative head space, nothing will.

To mothers: We forever shape the future. Try and make it a happy one!

Love and light!

Birthday Reflection

It is my 32nd birthday today and I feel very grateful. Grateful for every breath in my lungs, for my close knit tribe of my chosen family, and for the experiences that have shaped my life thus far. It hasn’t always been easy, but sitting here now I see that it was all for a purpose.

I do not worry about getting older anymore. On my 30th birthday, I felt the dread most feel when you can no longer pretend you aren’t an adult. I still felt like a child in many ways, even though I grew up quickly in my 20s through necessity. I was flung into the adult world too fast and I didn’t even know myself yet. I created opportunity in the job I was given and made a good living from my hard work, only because I had no option to fail. It taught me that you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it and that nothing is just handed to you.

Growing up I wanted for nothing and that spoiled me a bit. I was shown that with a good brain, you could go to college and pursue a high paying job and give your kids the same opportunities. That plan never came to be, with me dropping out of college and deciding to live my most authentic life. A life of truth, honesty and love.

Now the huge responsibility of motherhood has found me, and I am so glad I waited till my 30s to start that journey. I would not have been ready at 23, since I didn’t know myself or what the world was at that time. I want my daughter to see her mom aging with grace and loving every wrinkle, gray hair and body ache (as much as possible). Having a positive attitude about everything is what I’m constantly working on, especially since it does not come naturally to me. Seeing the world as a place of wonder and magic is what I want to instill in my daughter. A high paying job is not what will make you happy, but finding the light in every dark corner and showing all that you come across the kindness you wish to get is what my legacy will be. Wish me luck, cuz it isn’t easy! Namaste.