Motherhood

I am fairly new to this motherhood club. Some days it still feels strange that I have a one year old running around. And she IS running now. Everything changed so quickly and it feels like time is going faster than it ever has in my life. That might be because my daughter’s changes seem to come fast and furious.

I was fortunate to get an entire perfect day with my wife and daughter yesterday at our lake house. It has been a while since we could carve out a day to go, but we forced our way up I-75 before the labor day holiday traffic and visited our safe haven. Every time I look out at ‘our lake’ and listen to the wind through the trees I can feel the weight of daily life slip away. I can breathe easy again. It’s amazing what a special spot on the earth can do for your psyche when you only associate it with happiness and peace.

We spend a good portion of our day at the beach and it was Deb’s first time in the water other than a baby pool. After the initial anxiety of doing something new, you could actually see her relax in the waves and her gaze became unfocused and distant. After our fun, we took a nap together and I woke before our daughter and watched her sleep. She looked so perfect, so unfiltered by the stresses that plague many of us. I stared at her in disbelief that my body could help create this little masterpiece. Her personality already shines bright and I cannot wait to see all the adventures we’ll share together as she grows.

Deborah Lorelei

Time is flowing. It only feels like it goes faster because we wish it would stop so we can appreciate this time with our daughter as a child. I try to feel gratitude every moment I share with her, even the meltdowns and crabby bits. Time is our most precious resource and the way we mothers spend it with our children will be what we create for their futures. It is a lot of responsibility, but it reminds me that I had that for myself all along. My outlook on life and reality will one day shape hers, and if that doesn’t shake me out of negative head space, nothing will.

To mothers: We forever shape the future. Try and make it a happy one!

Love and light!

Sending it to the Universe

I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be. This week has been really wonderful. I found a good routine to keep me on track with my meditation in the morning before getting ready for work. I feel close and connected to my wife and daughter. I am enjoying my training at work and getting to know my coworkers. It’s all falling into place.

Some moments are harder than others. I can slip back into my habits of worrying what others think of me, of hating my body, of feeling like a phony with all the positivity I try to maintain. But now I recognize those moments. Before I would just wallow and feel like garbage, knowing I wasn’t good enough. I see my ego for what it is: a part of me, but it does not control my actions of thoughts. I will no longer be a victim to my negative past.

I even filled out an application to receive start up money from Comerica with Hatch Detroit to get a house to start this business for real. I took my time, but I did not agonize over needing perfection and an immaculate representation of my vision. I went with my gut and let it go. What happens is now up to the Universe, and I am okay with that. Loving life, and I hope you do too! Let go and breathe my lovelies!

Namaste